Why must they dance!?!

Listen up. I want to show you about a few things that I find exciting. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "No, I'm not going to listen. You're just easily excited." Shut up. That is not the case. I just know about awesome shit.

Movies:

Norwegian Ninja

For when you need a man with the efficiency of a Norwegian, but the deadliness of a ninja...also, sheep.



Mortal Kombat: Rebirth

What could be better than a cheesy fighting tournament movie? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. Get OVER HEREEEEE!



Tekken

Enter the Tekken. My money's on Eddie Gordo. Kid break-dance fights. (Call me a sell-out, but I kind of love that all my favorite old videogames are getting made into idiotic movies.)



Scott Pilgrim

You've read the comics; now check this. I was worried about Michael Cera as Scott, but he looks like he can pull it off. (Scott's more of a Doofus than the typical Cera character. He's not "cute." He's an ass with a heart of gold...and the best fighter in the province.)



Comedians:

Maria Bamford

Ok, I don't mean to belittle Maria Bamford and call her "pretty" or "cute" and distract you from how clever she is. Even though she is a diabolical hottie, she is one of the funniest comics I've ever heard. Check out her albums ("Unwanted Thoughts Syndrome" seriously kills me). She can do things with her voice that no mortal woman should be able to do. She kills it. Oh and she does a lot of voice work on Adventure Time.



Paul F. Tompkins

P. F. Tompkins is Philly fresh. He is also a flipping riot. I like the way his stand-up splinters into a thousand hilarious observations.



Sean Cullen

Sean Cullen is like a big, Irish teddy-bear, with a thing for James Bond. He has a delightful singing voice and a killer imagination. His ability to involve the audience is very admirable.



Music:

Foxy Shazam

Neil mentioned Foxy before. They are a bunch of psychos with a fat lot of musical talent. Their shows are intense. Notice how the keyboardist plays. Acrobatic even.



Sub Focus

I just found about about Sub Focus. He's drum'n'bass. I always liked Pendulum and this stuff is just as rad.



Trash80

Trash80 is a baller. Some claim that he is even able to call shots. He turns it out on a synthesizer like you've only read about. (Listen to this at the gym and pretend you're Megaman. Running on a treadmill to 8-bit makes you want to level up so hard.)



Ella ja Aleksi

Adorable 4-year-old Finnish rappers. I've described thusly, "It's like tricky little Finnish magicians casting weirdo spells to sick beats."



Books/Comics:

Scud: The Disposable Assassin

Scud is pretty brave for being a sentient humanoid assassin that's so...yellow. Scud was assembled in a world where you can buy hitmen at vending machines. (Don't worry though, they're only good for one target. Upon elimination of the mark, the robot-assassin self destructs.) Scud's too cool for that, though. He goes against protocol and puts his primary target on life support: She stays alive/He stays alive. Soon, he takes a position in the mafia to pay the hospital bills and he starts using all his robot abilities as a hired gun. The book is a freaking trip. p.s. Scud's not yellow. He's gold.



Neverwhere

My sister got me hooked on Neil Gaiman. Neverwhere is my favorite book of his I've read so far. It's about a young man trapped in a world that he doesn't truly want to be a part of and his adventure through the fantastic universe of London Below. An enchanting girl named "Door" needs his help just as much as he needs hers and together they figure out that life doesn't have to be lame and drinking wine that is given to you by an angel gets you fucked up.



So yea, look into all that jazz. It's fun stuff. I told you it was exciting. (I'm sorry I yelled at you.)