Gaston -- Beauty and the Beast
On the surface, Gaston's a jock and a bully. He's an animal. But the source of Gaston's sleaziness runs deeper. He is as catty and conniving as a 14 year old girl. He is a hater and a tool. It is easy to see the the foil in Beast. Beast has all the worst physical attributes (hair) and all the finest personality traits (honor, loyalty, selflessness); Gaston is a 10 but has the temper of a petulant child, the sense of humor of a wet rag, and a penchant for hurting people, animals, and barrels of beer. His love for Belle is twisted and disrespectful. It is merely an obsession: he sees her as a prize, an award to be won to further attest to his perfection. He bites people in wrestling matches. What a giant douche nozzle.
Bill Lumbergh -- Office Space
Bill Lumbergh is a very basic douche. It is hard to describe why he is so easily despised. It is such a natural reaction; it almost needs no explanation. Every word he says is a grating piece of criticism or an asinine command disguised as friendly banter or an innocuous request. He has no respect for your intelligence. He thinks you freaking like him. He is so far removed from reality and humanity that he has no idea that your hatred for him grows with every waking moment. We've all had bosses like him. You know how it is dealing with one of those douchers.
Ernie McCracken -- Kingpin
In what is one of Bill Murray's greatest roles of all time and space, we find Ernie McCracken, a douche for the books. He is a two-bit, washed-up, combed-over pro bowler. Every move he makes is calculated to make you detest the very fiber of his being. It is clear that he is an absolute scumbag, but somehow he maintains an obscenely disproportionate ego for such a lowlife. He hits on women with all the skill and grace of a trucker; his opening line is often just the disclosure of his hotel room number. He is a poor sport and a sore loser. He is a backstabber with a shit-eating grin and a rose in his bowling ball. Bill Murray is so over the top, you can't help but die laughing at what a horrible douche Ernie McCracken is.
Prince Humperdinck -- The Princess Bride
The Princess Bride is probably my favorite movie of all time. I could talk about it all day. But, I will try to keep this short. Prince Humperdinck is--above all else--a coward. He is underhanded and ruthless. A man with crooked ambition but no guts, he hatches cheap schemes and pays criminals to do his bidding. He is afraid to get his hands dirty, but cannot sit idle and cope with his insane desire for power. Wesley serves as the antithesis of the Prince. In his quest as The Man in the Black Mask, Wesley struggles through trial after trial, testing himself and challenging everyone that stands in his way. Humperdinck is incapable of such bravery and unable to understand true love. His only pleasure is derived in the torture of his defenseless enemies. He is arrogant, but easily folds under the pressure of a real fight. I flip out every time Wesley's like "Drop...Your...Sword." Also, when Wesley stops Buttercup from committing suicide by pointing out the shortage of perfect breasts in the world? What a badass. Oh but yea, Humperdinck: Humperdouche.
Phillips -- The Sandlot
Phillips was such a dick. He was every kid that ever picked on you at the playground. His problem? He doesn't understand baseball. He thinks he does, but he doesn't. That's why he's so upset that Benny and Squints and Yeah-Yeah and all are playing ball. He sees their little rag-tag, scoreless, never-ending game as a disgrace. He picks on them because he is outraged that a bunch of misfits could be having so much fun playing a game that is such a sad excuse for baseball WHEN REALLY it's the purest form of baseball imaginable. His hubris and his disdain blow up in his goddamn face when he steps to Benny and the Sandlot kids. His team of crew-cut, permanent-press, uniformed douche bags turn out to play ball like a bunch of girls. They get clobbered and Phillips learns a lesson about playing for the love of the game. Kid's a square. L7....Weeeenie. Oscar Meyer even.
Uncle Frank -- Home Alone
I have wanted to slit Uncle Frank's throat from the moment I saw Home Alone when I was like 7. The fire behind his eyes makes no sense. His hatred for Kevin stems from a spill. The kid knocked over some Coke. Chill the fuck out. You're the jerk. I hate you.
Shooter McGavin -- Happy Gilmore
Adam Sandler is a master of the douche antagonist (see Eric Gordon in Billy Madison). In Happy Gilmore we meet a stuffy, smug son of a bitch name of "Shooter McGavin." Utterly a golfer. Such a douche. Happy livens up the PGA with some sweet new fans and his rad skills, but Shooter is not amused. He is a small-minded toolshed who likes being the big fish in the smarmy pond. He is two-faced coward (much like Humperdinck) and pays off petty criminals to deal with Happy. Shooter is an absolute asshole but his constant bewilderment and sheer horror at the sight of Happy's antics are straight hilarious. His inability to come up with a satisfactory comeback to "You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?" is almost endearing.
............."No."
Johnny Lawrence -- Karate Kid
"Get 'im a body bag, Johnny! YEAAAAA!" Johnny was all smash and grab in his Adidas tags. His karate was all sorts of wrong. He did not understand what to fight for, he only knew how. His jealousy and greed got the best of him. He beat up Daniel-san because it was easier that beating up his personal demons. Danny was a mack, he should have just accepted and respected that. Move on. But no, he had to hate. A true martial-artist would have never swept the leg. What goes around comes around, Johnny.
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