SEGAAAAAAAAA.
The boy grew fond of the robot. He would laugh at the beeps and boops it made. He would blow the dust out of its cartridges. He would challenge the robot to "Mortal Kombat" and then accuse it of "cheating" and claim that this particular game was "freaking impossible."
The robot was incapable of any emotion. Genesis only knew how to cheat at Mortal Kombat and provide quality entertainment. Though it was just a heartless machine, it had some super sweet games. The boy still remembers those games today. He also remembers how much he rocked at them.
Sonic
Sonic is Sega. I don't think you can legally own a Genesis and not have at least one of the Sonic games. And for good reason: those games rule. Sure, they're a little bit hyperactive. You're playing as a speedy, blue hedgehog running around snatching up gold rings and "Chaos Emeralds," jumping on all these evil robot animals, and trying to save the world from a mustachioed lunatic named Dr. Robotnik who's hellbent on destroying everything cute and/or fuzzy and keeps showing up in these contraptions that are designed to pulverize our hero. (Side note: It's always fun to try to explain plot-lines/game-play of old school video games in a single breath. At the end you usually either pass out or blow the minds of everyone in earshot.)
But even better than the insanity of the story are the music and the level designs. I mention them together because they come as a package. Playing in Emerald Hill Zone? Get ready to run around a shifty, sparkly grassland and groove on some smooth adventure tunes. Chemical Plant Zone? Gun it through technologically superior pipes bopping along to advanced industrial beats. Casino Night Zone? Swank.
You can download Sonic (and like every other video game ever) soundtracks here.
Streets of Rage II
Again, the 8-bit jams that score this video game are off all of the following: the hook, the chain, and maybe even the charts. And those charts are on a logarithmic scale. That's right, I said it.
The story goes that some bad guy, Mr. X (so evil) has taken over the town (with cunning use of Tommy guns and ninjas [both human and robotic]) and kidnapped Skate's brother. Skate informs his brother's friends, Axel, Max, and Blade. They are rather enraged to hear the news and take to the streets, prepared to kill EVERYONE IN THE DAMNED CITY to set things straight. Streets of Rage II is built as an arcade side-scroller, but it's not as ball-bustingly impossible as most. This is one of very few video games that had appropriate gameplay difficulty during the switch over from coin-operated gaming.
Clearly, somebody realized that kids weren't going to be pumping in quarters every time their characters died. They ratcheted down the enemies to "Non-frustrating" and pumped up the tunes to "Serious." The result is a hecka fun beat-'em-up of rage and revenge.
Mutant League Hockey
I was never big on video games that emulate sports. For me, video games are meant to be based in fantastic alternate realities. When I want to play sports, I want to go outside. The only thing that could get me into a sports game would have to be...mutants, the undead, robots, molotov cocktails, land mines. You know things: that are great.
Mutant League Hockey has all that noise. The team names are all stupid puns on actual NHL teams. For example the Philadelphia (Philly) Flyers are represented by the Chilly Liars with players--skeletons, monsters, androids--like Skingros (Lindros) and Wrechin (Recchi). There are 20 teams from two conferences (Toxic and Maniac). One can pick up weapons, bribe the ref, kill the goalie. The game is hell on ice.
Though MLH is only a sequel to the original violent sports game, Mutant League Football, it is infinitely better than the first. Arcade hockey is the perfect medium for such cartoonish bloodlust. It is the clash of goofy, slippery controls and senseless, smash-mouth goalscoring that makes gameplay so fun. You can deek out the defenseman or just hit him with an ax. That's what's up.
Street Fighter II
Street Fighter II is my favorite one-on-one fighter ever. It's a pretty simple game that never really gets old. Beat your opponent into submission and look cool doing it.
True story. We were in Knoebels (pr. [no-AY-blays]), this ghetto theme park out in Bumbleflip, Nowhere. There was this one part of the water park with a ton of netting. It was like wall-to-wall netting. So anyway, we were running through this tunnel of ropes and I start climbing along the wall and I'm like, "Check it out. I'm Vega." and this jerk life guard is like, "NO CLIMBING ON THE ROPES." I yelled back, "I'm Vega!" she made a gesture indicating that I should get down. I tried to Hadouken her from across the park, but I missed.
Flashback - The Quest for Identity
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Flashback was the best adventure game for Genesis hands-down. It was kind of a blend of old-school Prince of Persia, Space Quest, Running Man, and Blade Runner. You play as Conrad, a Galaxia Bureau of Investigation agent in the year 2142. The game mainly has you running around getting item A to person W so you can unlock door L. You also bust some cybercaps in a few humanoids and ultimately save the entire fucking planet. The game has a few obvious nods to cheesy 80's movies and excellent platformer mechanics. Retroactively reminds me of Futurama when I play it these days.
The Lost Vikings
If Lemmings wasn't so damn hard to play with a controller it would be the best puzzler for Sega. But it is, so The Lost Vikings wins by default. You play as three Vikings--Erik the Swift, Baleog the Fierce, and Olaf the Stout--who have been transported to the future. Each Norseman has a particular skill (speed, sword, and shield, respectively) that he must harness and lend to the efforts of puzzle-solving and monster-killing. Beating each level results in further smoothing the wrinkle in time, but also teleportation to even stranger worlds than the ones just conquered. The in-fighting and the vikings' interaction with alien life-forms are both adorable. The game is original and clever.
P.S. if this post makes you want to play any old Sega games again, check out the GENS emulator and torrent some ROMS. You'll be glad you did.
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