I don't even have time to get into accents. (p.s. have you ever wondered what it must sound like to hear a Jamaican person speak Chinese or an Australian person speak French? I guarantee it's as hilarious as it is in my dreams.) But, I'm trying to talk about English. I know enough about English to know that very clever people have done some very clever things with it. It seems to lend itself to concise, quick-witted prose and smart, silvery conversation. And granted, the entirety of my life has been steeped in the English language and it is possible that the tricksy intellectuals whom I admire for their cunning linguistics could have succeeded equally well with a background in other languages. But, I feel that there is something special about my native tongue.
It is a very strange language. There are tons of odd rules and special cases. If one is not careful, he will mistake English for an annoying medium with a rusty, rigid structure and little room for error. However, if one is a skilled artisan, he will learn to bend the rules and twist the preexisting mechanics into functional little break-dancing robots comprised of mood and message, powered by the ingenuity of his own vocabulary.
What the hell am I talking about? I'm saying you can be boring and mindlessly declarative if you want, but there are a bunch of fun words and interesting ways of saying things. For instance, let's say you have a Twitter account. Would you rather follow someone who tweets the non-sentence "Coffee." because he is boring and uncreative and obsessed with cliche, grown-up beverages OR would you care to follow somebody who has something unique to say and an inventive way of saying it?
Twitter: The Criterion Collection from sween on Vimeo.
Ok, I know. Some of those were pretty weird but enough of them were hilarious. I'm not saying everyone who speaks English is awesome, but it helps. And that's definitely "Wave of Mutilation" during the credits. Come on. That's good stuff.
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. This is a sentence. It might blow your mind, but it's perfectly valid. The word "buffalo" can be used as a noun, a verb, and an adjective. See what I mean? Maybe you have to be a nerd to appreciate English...oh no wait. You can also be a cool cat or a hardened criminal.
The British and the Australians have both contributed amazingly cool slang to English. I feel that people who know how to customize their statements with the right word truly understand the spirit of the language. It's not about following grammatical rules to the letter, it's about choosing the phrase that fits. You'd be surprised at how many words Shakespeare straight made up.
Sometimes I'm tempted to start saying "safe" instead of "cool." I've had to fight the urge to call hot girls "fit." But, I just can't refrain from calling an elevator the "go-up box" and referring to the doctor as "the boo-booman." I've already crossed that line.
But seriously, it's hard to appreciate such radtastic slang from afar. Even though I can't use it (and risk sounding quite the poseur) I still catalog the awesome phrases and words in my head. I collect idioms and catchphrases. I guess it helps that most people wouldn't understand half the words I said if I starting busting out a bunch of weird, foreign slang. But this impracticality only stops me from using it, I don't love it any less. And what form of slang could be more incredible and less comprehensible than Cockney rhyming slang?
This, is Cockney rhyming slang. You may have heard it in Lock, Stock, And Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch., or even EastEnders (if you're particularly into British stuff). Like the bartender says in the clip, it has its origins in the seedy London underground. No, the other underground. Criminals and all. Whatever. Listen, here's the formula.
When discussing less-than-legal matters, those who weren't exactly on the up-and-up had to devise a work-around to jumble their statements and avoid saying sensitive words in front of the Bobbies. So what did they do? Got a little English with things.
1. Take the word you are converting to slang and find a rhyming phrase.
2. Chop off the bit that rhymes.
3. Job done.
But, what started as a not-too-hard-to-crack code (criminals aren't too bright: this isn't exactly the Enigma) slowly crept into common conversation. It's not unusual to hear a Londoner hollering at her absent-minded son to "use his loaf" (Head/Loaf of Bread). But, not all the slang is so arbitrary. In many instances, the slang echoes undertones that are usually attached to the word. It can get very convoluted, but speaking utter nonsense that's been once removed from the normal stream of consciousness might be the coolest way to get your point across.
Examples:
Wife → Trouble and Strife → Trouble
Look → Butcher's Hook → Butcher's
Stairs → Apples and Pears
Ok, I probably should have written a little about the poetry and the novels I like which employ intelligent literary devices. I never really discussed why English serves well as a medium of the erudite. Next time. This was more of a "Gee, isn't English neato?" type post.
p.s. the answer is "Yes. It's totally tubular." Fry and Laurie, show them how it's done.
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