Jack Renames the Planets

So, we hung out and played Kingdom Hearts last night. The game is amazing. But, I don't really feel like reviewing it. Just play it. If you don't know: it's a collision of the magical world of Walt Disney and the effeminate world of Final Fantasy. A darkness, not unlike The Nothing, has crept into the fabric of space and threatens to tear it apart--your normal world and every crazy magical world are in grave danger. But, what are you to do? You are just a nubile young boy, Sora, with an awkward crush on a nubile young girl, Kairi, and mixed emotions towards your nubile young frienemy, Riku. Don't even worry about it; you're the fucking "key," man. You're destined to own that poseur Nothing wannabe and send it packing back to whatever creeper dimension is crawled out of. The game's very freaky. Also, the theme song ("Simple and Clean") is hilariously adorable. Fighting alongside Disney heroes affords you the chance to totally geek out. Running around levels based in classic animated Disney joints like "Alice in Wonderland," "The Little Mermaid," and "Peter Pan" while smashing little smoke monsters called "heartless" to bits with a "keyblade" is one part nostalgic, two parts superb. Bashing in villain's heads that you've hated since you were seven? Very satisfying.

The major thing I wanted to write about is this: The Dalmatians. Like the poes in Zelda, you can search for the 101 Dalmatians scattered throughout the universe in Kingdom Hearts. Don't ask me how they got scattered. It probably has something to do with the heartless and evil forces and tearing the universe apart. Whatever. I just hit things with the keyblade and never look back. So anyway, we didn't get far enough to find any of the dalmatians (Pongo and Perdita don't count, by the way. They're just hanging out in Traverse Town.) But I was trying to remember...do they just go like, "You've found: DALMATIAN #07!" or are there names? (p.s. I would settle for "Dalmatian get!")

After 15 grueling seconds of googling "101 dalmatian names" I found out this little tidbit from WikiAnswers:

Not all of the puppies were named in the Disney animated film. Other than Pongo and Perdita (the parents), some of the named puppies were Lucky, Thunder, Rolly, Patch, Pepper, Dipstick, Penny, Cadpig, Freckles, Purdy, Wizzer, Jewel, Two-Tone, Fidget, and Spotty.

Whoa. Are you serious? The writers couldn't take like 5 mins and spin out like 80 more names? Such neglect. But hey, that's just more fictional puppies for me to name. Here's what they're really called.

101 Dalmatians:

1. Pongo
2. Perdita
3. Slippy
4. Slappy
5. Swami
6. Samsonite
7. Thick McLargeHuge
8. Snaggletooth
9. Rover
10. Winks
11. Revenge
12. Flapjack
13. Mapelthorpe
14. Bullet
15. Petunia
16. Aloysius
17. Frankenstein
18. George Jefferson
19. Tony
20. Rasputin
21. Bartholomeus
22. Tank
23. Squiggly
24. Parsimony
25. Felix
26. Quickdraw
27. Scrunchy
28. Firestarter
29. Walden
30. Charlie
31. Blizzard
32. Shakedown
33. Flip
34. Padlock
35. Victor
36. Xander
37. Jazz
38. Danger
39. Swifty
40. Hamhawk
41. Laika 2
42. Skull
43. Sundance
44. Ichiban
45. Sonic
46. Rico
47. Vega
48. Bugsy
49. Wilco
50. Dizzy
51. Francine
52. Dymphna
53. Bumpus
54. Kit
55. Walker
56. Fabienne
57. Max
58. Misty
59. Rex
60. Spot
61. Maggie
62. Murdoch
63. Nook
64. Norbert
65. Odin
66. Bowser
67. Gusto
68. Tricksy
69. Zoe
70. Kim
71. Yvette
72. Pinky
73. Tom
74. Dash
75. Zipper
76. Barney
77. Art
78. Sidekick
79. Slidetackle
80. Who
81. I Don't Know
82. Squeak
83. Cannon
84. Pen
85. Grey
86. Sparks
87. Lux
88. Siobhán
89. Magnus
90. Gander
91. Tyler
92. Kyler
93. Skyler
94. Pizza
95. Florence
96. Dot
97. Slinky
98. Jumbo
99. Even
100. Claire
101. Falstaff

Yeah, man. I rock at naming things. I feel like Spot and Dot would hang out all the time: being all cute. Firestarter and Blizzard would always pick on Squeak. Pizza would just eat everything. These dogs needed names. Now there's a back story. You know what's going on in other parts of Pongo and Perdita's life when Cruella deVille isn't trying skin them alive or whatever she tries to do to them. Ok, you need to watch this now. Peace.