I can pretty much pinpoint when my love (hatred?) for zombies started: Resident Evil. I remember hanging out with my brother, Mike, playing the director's cut (yea that's right: serious business) of Resident Evil 2. It was then that I started to grow into the devastatingly clever little game informer that I am today. We would poke fun at the hilarious voice acting and the ridiculous cut scenes. Zombies were closing in on every side and we were scraping up just enough ammo to cap a few of them and get out alive, but did we care? Hell no. It was the raddest game ever.
Sure, I could go into the psychology of the zombie. I could lay out the ideal mythology of the zombie (none of that "fast zombie" nonsense will ever be tolerated in my house). I could explain why they are an ingenious plot device. But...What? I should? Donezo, sonzo.
Think about it. Zombies represent an overwhelming society of thoughtless, destructive drones who only desire to leech off of the the few competent, unique members of the population. Sound familiar? It's a physical representation of the baseline attitude of many modern cultures. It's very clear to see the parallels to a society of fashion slaves and hipster clones. People model themselves after celebrities and fall in line. People hate to think for themselves. They hate to use their brains...might as well borrow yours, right?
Zombies need no explanation. One thing that really bugs me about people is their incessant *need* to be bashed over the head with explanations. I get annoyed when people are too lazy to think up a hypothesis of their own, or--worse--are uncomfortable with unknowing. For instance, after seeing Cloverfield, I wanted to slap people who desperately repeated questions like "But, what was it? Where did it come from?" We don't know! No one knows! It's a fucking monster. I just feel like people that seek answers to such arbitrary questions are wasting their time looking for arbitrary answers. I could make up a fairy tale to tell you what it is, but that won't change what it means. Such is the case with zombies. They are institutionalized by their hazy, confusing, questionable origins. Good zombie stories glaze over the background with buzzwords and references to chemical disasters. Great zombie stories skip it. You don't need to worry about it; it's what happens after the outbreak that's important.
So now that we respect the zombie as a satire on par with A Modest Proposal (but sort of reversed), let's see what characteristics lend themselves to the statement while maintaining the zombie's ability to scare the bejeezus out its victims. First off, there is no such thing as a "fast zombie." It makes no sense. Modern horror movies popularized a new form of monster that shared certain traits with a zombie, but is not a true zombie. The slow, constant pursuit of a zombie is its defining behavior. Such mindless persistence is a disheartening, suspenseful, chilling reality. They'll catch up to you sooner or later. You'll be worn down. You'll have to fight them then. It's only a matter of time. Zombies are the perfect threat: psychologically debilitating and physically intimidating.
The wiggling, jiggling, quickster "zombies" only speak to the impatience of contemporary audiences. In a world of instant gratification, we expect violence on demand. We want the bloodshed now. Don't think about what's happening in the movie, just act scared and run away. You do realize how extremely meta bad zombie movies are right? Ok good. But, let's not dwell on the dark side of zombiedom. Let's talk about the material that matters, the authors, film-makers, and artists who know what zombies are all about. Namely? George A Romero, Simon Pegg, Max Brooks, mc chris, and a few others...
George A Romero's Night of the Living Dead
One of my favorite zombie movies of all time. Romero may have gone south after the turn of the millennium, but credit is given where credit is due. Night of the Living dead captures the fear and the hope of a survival attempt during a nation-wide outbreak. The only background is provided through the terrifying pseudo-explanations the main characters see on an emergency TV broadcast. Between the makeshift contingency plans they hear over the radio and all the main characters' survival plans (cut and run/hole up in the attic/hole up in the basement) it is a constant battle. The zombies threaten to tear the outside of the house apart while the threat of zombies tears the inside of the house apart. Super poetic. That's the beauty of the zombie. You can see the most basic humanity in the chaos of a zombie apocalypse.
Simon Pegg's Shaun of the Dead
I love this movie. I think Simon Pegg approaches zombies with all the awe and wonder that I do. His "romantic comedy...with zombies" presents the hilarious side of humanity that Romero doesn't focus on. Shaun is more dimensional, goofier than the characters in classical zombie flicks. He's an underdog with a very stupid plan, but you root for him because you know you probably wouldn't do much better. The film is a clever mash up of a zombie takeover and a triumph over the hangups of real life. I think that's part of what I love about zombies. They can be so easily slipped into the everyday. One minute your eating a Cornetto round the shops, the next your bashing in your step-dad's skull with a cricket bat. Life's funny.
[REC]
Ok, I'm kind of out of my depth on this because I haven't actually seen [REC] yet. But look at the trailer. I'm sorry it's in Spanish (you can watch the actual movie with subtitles, I'm sure.) But I've been dying to see it since the incredible writer and McGovern consigliere, Jon Rocks hipped me to it many months ago. From what I've researched, it's about a stone cold fox news reporter who's tagging along with a first response outfit. They get called to the scene to help rescue a woman who is trapped in her apartment. Guess what? Zombie 0. Kids get bit. Shit gets real. It looks like an expertly executed first person view of sheer zombie mayhem.
Michael Jackson's Thriller
Without a doubt, this is the greatest music video of all time. It stands alone as an absolute work of art (yea, it's a Tiny Toons reference. Wanna fight about it?). His ode to the magic of scary movies is presented perfectly. It's so stylish it hurts. He conveys the mixture of emotion, the shocking horror and lighthearted fun with impeccable timing. The sets, the makeup, the moves, the Vincent Price. It's all so good. Michael truly was a freak, but he definitely understood that spooky supernatural beings are scary as hell and mad fun.
Jonathan Coulton's Re:Your Brains
Ok, this video is really tacky and weird but I kind of like it. (And that's not Jonathan Coulton.) Mr. Coulton is a giant nerd with sick rhymes and wicked guitar skills. He knows how zombies get down, and he delivers a new perspective in "Re: Your Brains." Weaving in interoffice politics, he sings as a zombified pencil-pusher with a request. It's a charming song. You never really think about who the zombies were when they were alive. But then again, that's survival rule No. 1. (Makes it harder to shoot them in the head.)
mc chris Is Dead
mc chris is into zombies like you wouldn't believe. Maybe more than me...I know. I saw him live at the Church a year ago and he was pissed about I Am Legend. He's an all-around entertainer/nerd rapper so he monologues during his shows and does some stand up. He went OFF on Will Smith. He was like "Are you serious, you get caught in the BASEMENT? That's such a rookie mistake." He proceeded to unveil his plan regarding how the movie *should have ended.* It involved secret underground tunnels connected to mansions, attics, retractable staircases, guns, rations, barbed wire: the works. I was in awe.
It's no surprise that mc chris made "mc chris is dead" His album shares the same name and has a few other great songs on it (and a skit with zombie mc chris going to see his manager. It's a very good album.)
Resident Evil and Left 4 Dead
These games are the balls. Left for Dead is the new hotness and it is the bee's knees. Resident Evil is old school; in many ways, it is the cat's pajamas. Each game is elegantly simple: you get to kill zombies like it's going out of style. Left 4 Dead's team aspect adds an element of urgency that isn't found in Resident Evil which is normally more scary-chic and eerily suspenseful. Maybe I was wrong when I said fast zombies are for jerks. It's just a different way of presenting the same enemy. Instead of being a badass loner like Claire or Leon and slinking around solving puzzles to survive, you run and gun. It's a matter of taste. Personally? Hmmmmmm...both. I just like killing zombies.
Sure, this is all very popular stuff. Zombie movies are fun. The songs are goofy. The games....are outlets to a sick fantasy (not even going to lie about it.) But the true essence of a zombie is captured elsewhere. If I may quote a book that is at the top of my "To Read" pile at the moment
Movies are great. Games and comics are, too. But there's something about the written word that is uniquely suited to exploring these horrors: not just the surface, but the resonant depths. Elucidating profundities that might otherwise be missed.
Not to mention rocking the fucking house.
-Zombies: Encounters with the Hungry Dead (pg. 14)
The book looks rad. It's a collection of stories by very skilled writers (Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, Max Brooks, Ray Bradbury) all about zombies. You can read the first few pages on Amazon. One of the stories discusses Lazarus as the first zombie. Clutch right? Sounds interesting, I'm dying to read it.
World War Z and The Zombie Survival Guide
The Zombie Survival Guide is a fun, quick read. It's nice to have around. It looks cool and it's well put together. It's catchy. World War Z blows minds. It is told from a myriad of view points presented by a writer who was contracted by the government to document stories of a global outbreak. The story goes that his accounts were too "personal" and the the state had little use for such sentimental garbage. These first hand retellings of the bloody pandemonium that swept across the face of the Earth are so well written, they seem crazy real. Max Brooks takes thousands of tiny social changes into account that would never occur to you, but make perfect sense in such anarchy. Each story is told by a completely organic character with all the thought and feeling of a human that has lived through unimaginable pain and suffering. I used to have to be careful reading on the train because my face was constantly like "WHOA OMG!" (Great writing I know. It's a gift.)
Max Brooks is an absolute Don. I admire his ability to meticulously, logically construct terrifying, touching alternate realities so well. (It's good to be the King.) But seriously, you are not the same after reading it. I think I walked around the city plotting choke points and safe house locations for like a week or two. I mapped out escape routes from every classroom. I sized up doors, wondering how long they would hold against a mob of ~20 zombies. It's a good book. Maybe too good.
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
I'll end the post here. P&P&Z is a great book. Seth Grahame-Smith takes Jane Austin's busted, rusted tale about some old bitties and some stuck up jerks and breathes new life (un-death?) into it. Elizabeth and Darcy remain just as dry and catty as they always were, but Mr. Grahame-Smith fastens them with a new trait as well. They are both exceedingly deadly. The flirting and the infatuation makes so much more sense when Darcy sees Elizabeth straight OWNING a few punk zombies. Her quick-witted, sharp-tongued, I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude mixed with her incredibly sexy mastery of martial arts is irresistible. There are times when zombies are but a trifle in the story. They blend into the background, they serve as an annoyance. Then there are times when zombies are outrageously thrown into the mix. Elizabeth and her sisters bust out the "Pentagon of Death" group attack at a ball when party guests find themselves being eaten alive. Yea, it's like that.
The book makes you laugh, cry, hate on Darcy, love on Darcy, hate on Liz, think Liz is a badass, HATE on Mr. Collins and Lady Catherine de Bourgh, and revel in the destruction of zombies. It's very fun you should check it out.
Ok, sorry for writing so much. I'm just really into zombies. So yea, aim for the head and travel light, guys.
The End.
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