Live From My Bedroom

Hey, guys. As I walked into Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, I promised myself I wasn't going to just sit there and mutter "The books were better." under my breath, over and over for the duration of the movie. I decided that my interpretation of Bryan Lee O'Malley's characters was just that; I wouldn't act like some weirdo fanboy and jump up yelling, "Scott wouldn't do/say/eat that!" every time Michael Cera slipped out of character and acted like....well, Michael Cera. I would let the movie be itself and judge it with a clear conscience and a fair shake, unbiased by my burning, obsessive love for the comic books of the same name....*twitch*.....*twitch*

Scott Pilgrim doesn't wear wristbands. Why did you have to wear wristbands? Why is that your thing? Damn it.

Ok, that's really it though. I actually did like Michael Cera's Scott. Now I will review the *movie* like a level-headed hooman and not some lunatic nerd. Allow me to break it on down.

-Breakdown-

Visuals/Special Effects: For The Win (Level: >9000)

Casting/Character Portrayal: I See What You Did There (Level: 75)

Video Game References: Kind of Want (Level: 30)

Music/Soundtrack: ZOMGOMGOMG (Level: 777)

You have to see this movie. Wait, before I geek out and tell you how great it is, let me draw a comparison. This will be the worst thing I have to say about the movie (and possibly my only negative criticism.) Think about the word "awesome." What does it mean? Exactly. You don't even care anymore. It's been taken. Douchey teenagers have swallowed up the word, and turned it into a sound. Calling anything "awesome" has lost all meaning to them: a knee-jerk reaction to label anything out of the ordinary. It's chewed-out, used up, played. And for that reason, you have lost interest in it as well.

On that note, it's hard to respect the plot line of SPvTW. A self-proclaimed "Epic of epic epicness," there is little room for decent writing or coherent development. Any scene that could be used to house a pithy retort or a concise revelation is instead swapped out for stupid, boyish rhetoric or an intentionally hokey pun. You almost expect it to cut to Kim Pine and a "ba-dum-chhh" on the drums. For me, this movie could have been a 10 with better writing. Granted, it's hilarious when Scott strikes out with Ramona the first time he talks to her and I was all about Todd Ingram's weak-ass trash talk, but to have Scott wiff during a pivotal scene where he's supposed to *get it*? The movie really hinges on the action, and I guess you could just take it as Scott being Scott (a doofus). But, it seems like such cheesey writing betrays a deliberate trade-off between cartoonish action and a legitimate script. I don't see why they didn't try for both.

Maybe they knew kids were going to stamp the movie as "awesome" either way. So, why even try? They never really hit the nail on the head (they just hit it really hard.) Moral of the story: expand your vocabulary. Things can be more than just "awesome" and "not awesome." I think parts of this movie banked on that inability to discriminate...Although, all in all: it was pretty fucking awesome.

First off: the music. With Beck stepping in whenever Kim Pine counts off Sex Bob-omb, Metric lending "Black Sheep" as The Clash at Demonhead's single, and Broken Social Scene in the corner for Crash and The Boys, the musical scenes were freaking sweet. I expected a little more (any) 8-bit music. They did make the Universal logo/theme all 8-bit and chip-tune in the beginning, but where the hell was Anamanaguchi?...what?...in the video game? Oh, right.

And it wasn't just the actual, rad music that flowed perfectly with the comic-action. I swear I heard the Zelda Fairy Fountain theme when Scott stepped out of the bathroom to find himself in subspace. The bands set the tone for many of the battles, but there was a bunch of chill background music for non-fighting scenes as well.

The movie is edited extremely well. The plot action flows seamlessly in and out of the boss fights. My friend Marissa commented that it had a certain Run Lola Run feel to it. And it wasn't just Ramona's hair. I totally agreed. Like the way Lola remembers how to take the safety off the gun from exploits in another reality, Scott's ability to recall past mistakes is totally mirrored by the crafty strip-style scene cuts. Particularly in the beginning of the movie, there are some very clever setting/scene changes. Scott's surroundings mimic his life. Everything just kind of runs together; Scott floats in and out. Michael Cera does a terrific job conveying Scott's perfect inability to comprehend the world that revolves around him. Up until the first fight, you feel like you're just being stylishly dragged around. Things snap into focus and Scott checks in when he fights Matthew Patel. I like that the editing dictates/changes with the mood of the action. It's pretty sleek.

I've already written so much. I should probably stop. The main thing to remember is that the movie was made to blow your mind. I can't say it really did that on an intellectual level, but maybe it's not supposed to. Maybe it's supposed to be a stupid story about a boy who gets into a fight...an awesome fight.

You should check out the video game (scored by ANAMANAGUCHI) and download Metric's "Black Sheep."



Boss Fights (in order of favorite to least favorite)

1 & 2. Kyle Katayanagi and Ken Katayanagi
3. Matthew Patel
4. Todd Ingram
5. Gideon
6. Roxy
7. Lucas Lee

And Now I Need Some Help From The Maestro, Please.

This weekend was prodigiously acrobatastic. A lot of things happened. I got in and out without a scratch, stories intact. One night, we discussed censorship and transparency over drinks. Neil cracked me up by filling me in on old-school MPAA policies. I listened as he and our friend Tyler analyzed antiquated standards. Tyler threw out how ironic it is that "retro" is so in right now, considering how locked-down things were back in the day. People were freaking square.

Neil agreed, "Making movies, you couldn't do shit. Anything interracial? No. You couldn't have interracial romance. You couldn't have interracial smiling. Black lady smiles at a white man? Nope. Not happening. Oh, and anybody who does something wrong--like murders someone, or cheats on his wife, [basically breaks the social contract]--has to pay for it in the end. Like, they have to get punished."
I asked, "So bad guys could never get away with it?"
"No. It always had to catch up with them or the movie didn't happen."

It's crazy to think that certain stories simply weren't told because some bunch of geezers said gen pop couldn't handle it. People weren't allowed to think life was unfair, it was considered unsavory to smooch someone of a different race, one couldn't scope out this sexiness. Examining the struggle between shelter and exposure blew my mind. What were people so afraid of? Why was it so shocking? You like to think these agencies are protecting us, but it's weird to stop and think: protecting us from what? So anyway, that was Thursday.

Friday night we ran into a rag-tag band of Colonial soldiers. This militia of girls decked out like minutemen bellied up next to us at the bar in their tri-corner hats with Betsy Ross flags wrapped around their shoulders. We nodded as if to say, "Evening, ladies. You show those lobsterbacks how we do things stateside. Stay free."

Saturday, I ran around the city and set things on fire. Sunday I went swimming and hung out with the fam. Ok, I'm not trying to get all Xanga on you. I had fun this weekend, but there are cooler things to worry about than the my interactions with my supercool friends and family.

Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace


Darkplace is a show within a show. It's sort of like Kingdom Hospital, only difference is that it's perfect in every way--and it knows it. The actual program "Darkplace" is based in another layer of reality where moron/science-fiction writer/assclown/dream-weaver "Garth Marenghi" is called upon by the BBC to drag a spooky miniseries he threw together back in the '80s out from the the creepy recesses of his basement. He blows off the cobwebs and the Cheeto dust, ready to scare the pants off a new generation of "travelers" brave enough to venture into the horrifying world that is Garth Marenghi's idiot mind.

Garth and the rest of the cast have been called back for interviews which are scattered throughout the bone-chilling tales of supernatural terror which take place in Darkplace Hospital. Each asinine "Darkplace" character (like world-renowned GP Dr. Rick Dagless, suave sidekick Dr. Lucien Sanchez, unpredictable woman Dr. Liz Asher, or hardass Thornton Reed) is played by a two-bit, scrub actor on the alternate reality level (who, in turn, is played by an incredibly skilled, hilarious actor who lives in the real world that you and I inhabit). The sublevel actor-characters see Darkplace's re-release as a chance to discuss the ground-breaking work of art that they helped to create, but the implication is that the BBC just really needed to fill some air time and demanded that these people explain what the hell is even going on with this terrible show.

It's an extremely clever, very short series (all of six episodes). Steve Merchant has a hilarious cameo. I might have overcomplicated it, but whatever. You'll get it when you see it. It's amazing.

Wizard People, Dear Readers


Wizard People, Dear Readers is like Harry Potter RiffTrax only it's done by Brad Neely. You may or may not know that he is a genius (having seen The Professor Brothers and/or Washington.) He narrates The Sorcerer's Stone like a book on tape and it is ideal. I watched it last winter when classes were canceled due to a snow storm. It was perfect like a cat's birthday.

Brad Neely is over the top, but right on target. He deftly renames almost every character Harry encounters (with "Catface McMeowmers" for Madam Hooch being my favorite). He explains the mind-boggling action that unfolds before your eyes like an excited, concerned friend who wants to make sure you appreciate the magical fantasies that wait around every enchanted corner. He roots Harry on during Quidditch, he breathlessly delivers a blow-by-blow account of the ogre fight, he seethes with contempt as he relays the shady shenanigans of Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle. He sucks you into the movie with the most ridiculous enthusiasm.

I don't think he ever really got the rights to do this, but you need to torrent it. It is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Pogo (formerly Fagottron)



Neil tells me that this DJ has been extracting music from old movies like Charlie and The Chocolate Factory and Alice in Wonderland for a while. Disney saw that he was rad and paid him to do a few for Up and Toy Story. They did make him switch from "Fagottron" to "Pogo" though. Anyway, his recuts are sick and I really like the idea of using classic movies as the base of a song. It's not even a sample at that point: it's the source. Also, this song is sweet.



Underwater Land



Now, we both know that Shel Silverstein was the man. His work as an artist, a poet, a musician, a lyricist have all fascinated me. I have more respect for Shel Silverstein's creativity, versatility, and ideology than I can say. The man wrote A Light in the Attic and The Giving Tree. He wrote A Boy Named Sue. He wrote Cover Of The Rolling Stone. He ruled it all.

It comes as no surprise that the nautically themed album he made with Pat Dailey is one of my favorite collections of chilled-out beach tunes around. Yeah, they're kid songs, but I don't care. They rock. If you're going down the shore anytime soon you should download this album, put it on your jambox, and crank that jawn on the beach. They're goofy songs, and Shel Silverstein's voice is ridiculous. You'll be glad you did.

Sucker Punch

I can't even think straight. Just watch this trailer and know that this movie will rock your socks.