Allow Me To Explain

Context has always been very important to me. It's imperative that one understand the circumstances surrounding a statement. He needs to know what background a conversation or argument is rooted in before he can even hope to understand it, let alone express his own opinion on the matter. (Good God, I hate when poseurs try to impress you with their knowledge. Do your homework, kids. And don't try too hard.)

I remember my Spanish teacher remarking on the subtle, yet important inflections used to alter words and drastically change meaning. It never really dawned on me that--as a natively English speaker--there were nuances that I might never understand even if I devoted my life to learning Spanish like a boss. I just wouldn't be programed to think along those lines. It wouldn't be in my blood. You can read The Divine Comedy in English, but the translator will tell you: you can't have it all. There's a trade off between poetry and meaning, you have to drop some of the clever literary devices, the machinery just isn't the same.

So with all this in mind, how does something like The Quote of the Day exist? How can people just print off single-serving statements and call them "inspirational" or "uplifting?" You've boiled down an idea to a bumper sticker and shipped it off on its own. What the hell? Uncool.

I've said "It isn't cannibalism if you don't swallow." before. Spongebob has said "There's darkness inside of me." on at least one occasion. Sherlock Holmes even says "Fuck it, let's just say the butler did it and go have a pint." in The Adventure of the Speckled Band. Now, all of these phrases are very awkward and mind-boggling if just taken at face value. But they're all true (I swear) and perfectly sensible in the proper context. (You'll have to just take me out for a drink, watch episode 17b, and read a fucking book to confirm that I'm right...You won't do it.)

So anyway, it is with this rage and angst in mind that I present to you the first in a long line of quotes that I dare to explain in the current age in which we live. That sentence was awful. Whatever, keep reading, don't look back. The Drexel Daily Digest sends out news and information on the daily to me and my classmates. I shield my roommate/frienemy/cowriter, Andrew, from getting the wrong ideas by explaining the quotes that always adorn the header of this friendly bulletin. We begin with Confucius, who I'm sure meant something entirely different than what you would assume upon a cursory skim of his quote.

From my Facebook Wall-to-Wall with Andy

"Ok so, drexel daily digest (or the DDD or even D^3 in some circles) has quotes of the day. do you read them? sometimes they're interesting. this one...baffles me.

you know how i'm obsessed with revenge. Czech this out

"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."
- Confucius

Surely, Confucius is trying to convey the principle of mutually assured destruction, but i doubt he understood the spirit of revenge. If anything I'd need a whole bunch of graves for all the sweet vengeance i'd be dishing out; two wouldn't come close to getting the job done.

So in short, I've decided to take Confucius' words to mean "be ready to get rid of a whole mess of bodies once you're done being a badass. Prepare for success" instead of "be wary of lashing back in anger, you may hurt yourself"

which i find to be much less meaningful. not to mention lame."

That's all I'm saying. Confucius knew what was up. He probably said that while he was licking a sharp-ass sword and putting inflections on all sorts of words to make it be like "oh yeah, make sure you DIG two *graves* for all the poor fools you destroy." Think about it.