Warning: Contents May Be Extremely Cool

I've been thinking about advertising recently. In a culture of cut-throat consumerism, it's a snap to read the pulse of a target audience. Just dissect any ad designed to manipulate that particular group. Look at any beer commercial and you can glean that single males aged 20-35 are typically homophobic misogynists. (You don't drink Miller Lite? What are you, a gay? Do you drink mixed drinks like a girl?) Watch a spot about disinfectants; mothers age 28-40: overprotective germophobes. (You don't use Lysol? Good luck letting your children die of disease, you heartless wench.) Check out Cialis and Viagra commericals; married couples age 50-65: gross. (Take this pill, get naked, and hop into these side-by-side bath tubs. You two aren't wrinkly enough yet.)

But all pruney, naked old people aside, advertising is serious business. Gone are the days of honest companies and straightforward promises of a better life with their products. Earnest offers gave way to cheap jingles. Ad campaigns stopped trying to sell actual goods and services and starting pushing brand names. These days? I don't even know half the names of business behind the campaigns I see. If you pause and think about it: commercials today don't make any fucking sense. Why is there a Mancunian gecko selling car insurance? Why are there vikings getting double airline miles through use of a certain credit card? Who the hell are these weirdo Indian guys that are telling me to "get the cellular mongoose?"

Advertising companies have started operating with a strategy based on the worst-kept secret in the business: bizarre sells. Freak people out enough and they'll buy your merchandise. I have no respect for these campaigns that are simply strange. I feel like it's lazy. The company expects you to be struck by the absurd ad and then tell your friends about how weird that [Company Name] commercial was--thus getting a foothold in the public consciousness. Viral advertising can be clever and entertaining, but it has to be done right.

I'm sorry for dwelling on annoying ads for so long. The reason I started this post in the first place was to let you in on two ad campaigns that I find effective, clever, and extremely fantastic. First is Chex Quest.


Remember this thing? Good GOD this game was so amazing. I just downloaded it again yesterday. (You can do the same here: now updated for 32-bit with better graphics!) The game is basically Doom. But instead of using a sinew-slicing chainsaw to destroy demonic aliens, you play as the Chex Warrior using an automatic spork to destroy family-friendly slime monsters. The game was awesome. Best part is: I got it from a freaking box of cereal.. That's right. Chex and AOL printed up a few "Chex quest with 50 Free Hours of America Online 3.0" CD's and stuffed them into boxes as a prize.

This may have been the most effective instance of childhood advertising I can remember. All I wanted to do for like 3 months was eat Chex and play this game. According to the Wiki page, Chex Quest won all sorts of awards for advertising and practically doubled Chex's sales for a quarter or two. Sagacious maneuvers, Chex.

Next up: Wawa Hoagiefest.


Yea man, groove on the tunes in that hoagiebus. Wawa had Philly bumping like a bouillabaisse the entire week before the Fourth of July. Last Tuesday, they showed Grease (sing-along version) in Love Park and handed out iced tea and water. Wednesday, they gave out like 14 trillion Italian Shorti's at the Art Museum before they screened Rocky. And of course they were on hand at the Goo Goo Dolls concert on Independence Day itself. (They kind of sponsored it.)

But besides all the sweet free food and drinks, I can get behind Wawa because the music and art of Hoagiefest is baller. It's very Beatles (Captain Hoagie's Shorti Brigade is basically Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band). The posters are all very psychedelic and Parry Gripp writes all the delicious jingles. If you don't know who Parry Gripp is, let me show you something. He is the guru behind such masterpieces as Shopping Penguin.



Wawa Hoagiefest is just really goofy and scrumptious. The tunes are mesmerizing, the Hoagieman is a champion, the sandwiches are cheap and tasty. It's a genius marketing technique.

Ok, see ya.